Story of My Life!
It was a drop-dead gorgeous day.
The sun was winking at me provocatively,
the sky was as blue as a fairy’s butt,
and it was purgatory warm.
I was on my way to work, on time for a change!
It was so nice out in fact, I was distracted by everything,
the wind blowing through my hair like lover’s breath,
waving to puppies, kittens, unicorns, and small children,
and singing along with “Good Morning Baltimore” from
Hairspray,
at the top of my lungs of course.
Unsurprisingly, I missed my first turn.
I could take the next left though, but no one would let me
over.
No “Nicest Kids in Town” today!
Eventually made my way to the far left lane,
only to see my second turn option in the rear view. ugh…
The next left was in sight though!
Apparently “It Takes Two” missed turns for me to learn a
lesson.
Construction. Grr…
“(The Legend of) Miss Baltimore Crabs” making me
as mad a baby whose binkie is jjuusstt out of reach.
Finally, I turned left.
Do three missed lefts make a right? If only!
Now to backtrack, relax, and breathe along with “I Can Hear
the Bells”.
But then, I made the biggest mistake of my entire life.
I looked down at the clock. f…
I cranked the battle cry of the ages, “Run and Tell That,”
and was off to the races!,
weaving through traffic, yelling at other drivers,
narrowly missing a surprised bicyclist delivering a pizza.
Who orders pizza at this time of morning?!
But I can’t judge. I’m “Big, Blonde and Beautiful.”
“I Know Where I’ve Been” came on just as I was pulling into
the parking lot.
I sighed the deep sigh of resolution.
I was singing “Come So Far (Got So Far to Go)” as I walked
into the office,
the second biggest mistake of my life.
Had I been a little quieter,
A little more cloak and dagger and less drag show queen,
I might have made it.
My boss popped out of his office and said,
“You’re late, again. Come see me when you’ve clocked on.”
Should I tell him I’ve come down with a case of “Cooties”?
Or should I “Mama, I’m a Big Girl Now” it?
Tracy only knows.